


Heero's Greatest Weakness

by Animeguera



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, Gundam Wing: Endless Reflection Challenge, Marriage Proposal, ZERO System (Gundam Wing)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12910386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animeguera/pseuds/Animeguera
Summary: 12 years after the Eve Wars, Heero is content with his life, until he rejects Relena's proposal, he hadn't had anything or anyone to fear. "Sit down, Zero One." No one ever called him that. Heero sat. He realized where he was. He hadn't been taken away. He was lost in Zero's hallucination. 1xR. 2nd place winner of Endless Reflection Challenge. Cover Art by: K.P-chan





	1. Marry Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Endless Reflection Challenge.

The Zero System was supposed to have been destroyed with Wing Zero, but Heero had recovered the system and had been attempting to restore its functionality, limited, for years.

It had been more than twelve years since the end of the Eve Wars, only eleven since a child had so easily almost overtaken the Earth's Sphere and the colonies. That day, was the day peace had been truly won.

So many years after, he entered Relena's life again. Entering her life had not been easy as is depicted in so many romance novels or films. Heero was not easily forgiven for abandoning her.

They had been together for almost five years, after two years of Heero courting her ridiculously consistently. Relena was sure the Preventers were paying him entirely too much money based on the number of flowers she received weekly from him. Heero's current life made him content.

"Marry me." Relena said one night, after their throes of passion had ended. Heero had Relena in his arms, she rested her head on his bare chest, enjoying the slowing of his beating heart. She toyed with the hairs on his chest.

Heero froze. Relena waited, knowing that Heero was never a man to waste words. "No." He spoke so softly, Relena almost didn't hear him. She did hear his rejection though. Relena was used to hearing no often from other members of parliament, from the ESUN government. She had changed their minds on the Mars Terraforming project and she would change Heeros.

Relena sighed. "Why?" She asked.

"Fear." Is what he responded, but she didn't know what he feared. Did he fear her or himself?

Heero's nightmares started that night again. Relena's proposal reminded him of how far he had come since the war ended and how much farther he still had to go to regain his humanity. He had told Relena he was afraid, but that was only partly true. He was petrified and he didn't know why. He awoke without remembering his dreams.

He called the one person he knew would understand his fear.

He explained what Relena had asked him. Heero waited as Trowa composed his response. "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know." Heero answered honestly.

"Do you have an opposition to marriage in general?"

"No."

"Did you stop loving Relena?"

"No."

"So, you are not opposed to them separately, just together that is terrifying you."

"Apparently." It was a logical conclusion, one he should've thought on his own.

"Any other information would be helpful in arriving at the correct conclusion."

"I'm having nightmares again."

Trowa merely agreed to his statement, not offering any other guidance on the matter. "What are you nightmares about?"

"I can never remember."

"Find out what terrifies you at night, you might be able to figure out how it relates to marrying Relena." Was all the tall brunette offered in the video screen. The call closed, leaving Heero wondering how such insight on himself could come from someone else. He was also thinking about the last time his fears were shown clearly to him.

The Sanc Kingdom was under attack by the OZ. Heero was in the Epyon suit, fighting to keep the city safe from attack. He wanted to follow Noin's orders and not stray from the formation. He felt his control wavering and wanted to get away from everyone else in case he lost control in Zero. Again.

He followed some straggling suits as they lead away from the city, taking them down. He looked back and saw even more suits heading into the city. Attacking. Zero calculated with impunity the consequences of Heero's actions.

It showed Relena watching the destruction from her school. Why had she gone into the bunker with the rest of the students, he wondered. A laser beam fired right through the window of the school, headed straight for Relena.

Heero watched as the laser beam destroyed her, leaving no trace of her in the world. "Relena." He said with horror. He knew he was going to lose control soon.

Heero knew what actions he had to take to find his true fears. Only Zero could show him.

He should've warned the others of his plan, but they would have stopped him from using the ZERO system to find his fears. Heero recorded a short message explaining his disappearance and his current location, should he not be able to leave ZERO's grasp within a few hours.

He set the message to send to the few he trusted after twelve hours. He sat himself in his makeshift medical bed. His apartment was on the bad side of town, had sparse furnishings and even less food, but he did spend some money on medical and computer equipment. Always prepared for the worst. Relena had called him a prepper. He wasn't sure what that meant and she wouldn't stop laughing long enough to explain it to him.

That reminded him of why he needed to do this, not for himself but for Relena. He strapped himself into the bed, set up the IV to drip and made sure the large large would last him for more than a few days. The constant beep of his heart monitor filled the air. He quickly set the countdown for the Zero system as he set the helmet on his head. He attempted to strap the final strap on the refurbished psychiatric bed. He failed, but then Zero had overtaken his senses.

Darkness enveloped him and then nothing.

The first vision he saw was of Relena back at St. Gabriels. The enemy was attacking the school. He watched from his mobile suit as a large piece of the building falling towards Relena. Heero acted without thinking, but his suit was too slow. The chunks of building crushed Relena.

Heero's heart stopped. He couldn't stop it. He watched Relena die.

Heero woke up with a start, his body drenched in sweat. This was the first time he remembered his nightmare.

He took in his surroundings, alert, he reached for the pistol he usually had hidden underneath his pillow. It was missing. He reached under his mattress, also missing. This was not his apartment. It wasn't Relena's home either.

The walls were pale and lightly colored blue. He attempted the door and stepped outside. The hallway was lined with doors similar to his.

For not the first time in his life, Heero woke up in a strange location with no recollection of how he had arrived there. The only question was how he was going to leave.

He returned to his room to find it had changed. It was no longer a bedroom, it had become a psychologist's office. Heero shut the door wary of the possibility he was hallucinating. He had entered the wrong door possibly. He tried to leave, but the door had become locked.

"Sit down, Zero One."

No one ever called him that. Heero sat. He realized where he was. He hadn't been taken away. He was lost in Zero's hallucination.


	2. Zero Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero was never a kind guide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Endless Reflection Challenge.

Zero was never a kind guide. Zero showed him his worst fears, those hidden deep inside him that he hadn't realized he had. It had shown him Relena's death, before he understood why her death would've mattered to him.

He was wary of the person sitting in a leather chair talking to him. It wasn't anyone he recognized. She had dark black hair and looked directly at him without blinking. Heero stared back refusing to let her know that he was off balance by his realization.

Zero in a gundam suit was dangerous. Zero in his head was even more destructive.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" The woman asked.

Heero was confused by the question. It wasn't how psychologists usually started to their sessions with their patients. Then he remembered, Zero had its own method of exacting torture on him.

"With Relena."

"Married?" His heart raced. He wanted to say yes, but found he couldn't form the simple word. Zero didn't waste the silence. "Let's play a what if scenario." Heero nodded. "What if Relena was dead?"

Heero's fast beating heart stopped. He forgot to breath. "Where would you be if Relena passed?"

"Dead." He knew that answer without thinking. He only stayed alive because of her. During the war, his memory of her kept him alive, sane. It was also Zero's greatest weapon against him.

"Why?"

"I'd have no reason to live."

"Living for someone else is a sorry existence."

"I never imagined to live this long."

"So you've gone from wanting to kill yourself at the first chance of convenience to being your second option, the first keeping her alive?"

Heero didn't respond.

"How would you feel if I killed her?"

Heero tensed. The woman who spoke Zero's words held a gun to Relena. He hadn't seen her appear. Zero pulled the trigger. Heero lost his sanity. "No!" He yelled, attempting futilely to stop the gun from firing. He was too late, he looked away but saw the blood on the floor. He heard the sound of her body falling to the floor.

He turned to Zero, preparing to attack in vengeance. "You are weak." Zero said and pulled the trigger again.

He had easily snuck into the headquarters of the new OZ organization. Even with the revelation of his face as a gundam pilot, no one glanced at him twice as a guard within the walls. Who would expect him here of all places? Soldiers always expected the gundam before they expected him. They were blinded by the power it brought them.

He patrolled the balconies as Relena started her speech. She spoke so easily and with such honesty, it made him pause. Regardless of her feelings, he could not allow OZ to continue to use her as a pawn, an image to sway the public opinion in their favor. He held his handgun, barely bothering with a silencer, if only to buy him some time. He aimed at her head. She somehow noticed his gaze and turned her eyes to look up at him. He saw no fear in her eyes. She deserved her death. He pulled the trigger, in an instant the bullet entered her skull. She fell gracefully, completely deserving of a Queen. He instantly regretted pulling the trigger. The chaos that surrounded the room was nothing compared to the chaos that now clouded his mind.

He awoke, sweating again. He hadn't left the strange room with Zero. There were no bodies on the floor. He had checked himself and he had no injuries.

Zero smiled at him. "What did you dream about?"

Heero wiped the sweat from his forehead. Playing along seemed to be the smarter choice with Zero. "Relena's death."

"Why does that frighten you?"

"Death of those you love always brings fear."

"You have more than fear for her life. You fear what you will be without her."

"What is that?"

"Alone."

"I've been alone my entire life."

"You had been, until you met her. You do realize, she is more probably to die before you. Your enemies are dead. She only seems to create more enemies? Who is your enemy?"

"Her enemies are my enemies."

"Wrong. Your enemy is fear." Zero shot Relena again, followed by aiming her gun at Heero.

Blackness followed the strange comment by Zero.

The force of the blast from the buster rifle was causing the accelerated deterioration of the gundam's stability in the air. I could feel pieces falling off as I targeted the bunker one last time. I knew Relena was still in the bunker, a direct hit might cause it to collapse. One last blast would be all the gundam could handle.

The target beeped when it locked on to the dead center of the bunker. I had meant to shift the blast to avoid killing her. My reflexes were fast and I pulled the trigger as soon as I had locked on target. The blast caused a bright explosion in the bunker. Nothing could have survived the blast.

He had wanted to save her. He wanted to let her live. He could not save her. His reflexes were too fast.

He takes back his earlier wish to remember his dreams. He wished he could forget all the visions Zero was torturing him with.

Heero had a thought as he eyed Zero, sweat dripping into his eyes. He reached behind him, sure he could produce a gun if he willed it. He saw it in his mind, a gun in the back of his pants, like he usually had one. He closed his eyes and imagined the cold steel touching his fingers. He grasped it like it was real. He was crazy to think it was, but the gun did materialize.

He pulled it from behind him and pointed the gun at Zero. Zero smiled at him. "Who is your enemy?"

"You."

Zero shook her head. Heero pulled back on the hammer preparing to shoot Zero in her smug face. Zero continued smiling, Heero pulled the trigger. Relena appeared in front of Zero. Heero froze with fear, he had just fired a shot at Relena. She would die by his hand. His throat choked on a cry of anguish.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to see her death again. "Wrong again." Zero said, before he heard the distinct sound of her gun firing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally Posted on FF.net
> 
> -5/16/15
> 
> Guera-


	3. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heero thought this through. "You want me to kill Relena."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Endless Reflection Challenge.

Someone had discovered the location of his mobile suit. He wanted to destroy the mobile suit before OZ could examine it. Or his enemies could use it against him. Finding the missiles was easy, but he unexpected interference.

"Heero!" She had found him again. Didn't she have a birthday party that would've kept her occupied? She was getting in his way.

"Relena." He hadn't meant to say her name that softly, but his voice overrode his natural instinctive tone. "You're in over your head."

She gasped, staring at the gun in my hand instead of looking at the real threat: me. I fired before she said another word. This time, Duo didn't shoot me first. He didn't stop me. Why didn't he stop me?

"Stop it." Heero gasped out as he awoke.

"You can end it by defeating your enemy."

"Fear." Heero reiterated. Zero nodded, her smile less wary. "How do I defeat my fear?"

"You face it. If your fear was heights, I would suggest bungee jumping."

Heero thought this through. "You want me to kill Relena."

"What I want is irrelevant. You put yourself here. Why don't you defeat your enemy and get yourself out?"

The future became clear to him. When he imagined marrying Relena, the image of her bloody gown no longer came to haunt his mind. She wasn't wearing white, but a light pink dress. Pink was her favorite color. A smile broadened on his face. Too many images filled his mind. Despair no longer conquered his thoughts. Happier thoughts crossed his mind. The possibilities grew exponentially with each imagined choice.

Limitations disappeared, chains inflicted by Dr. J, war scars, battles and blood spilt were broken.

The gun appeared in his hand out of sheer will power. He knew what he had to do. He raised the weapon and put his sights on Relena. He had promised her he would never kill anyone ever again. That promise contradicted his previous promise of ending her life. He had threatened her more than once. This is the one time he would keep and break his promises to her. He needed to kill her.

She looked into his eyes. Just like before she had no fear in her eyes. He trusted his judgement and it made him lose his resolve. Her continuing trust in him was still surprising and overwhelming. It was too much to know that she held so much trust in him. It almost felt like a betrayal he pulled the trigger. Time slowed as he watched the bullet flew towards her. He had seen her die so many times in his dreams. He wanted to look away, avoid the scene that haunted him daily for so many months, but he kept his eyes trained on her. He watched as the bullet penetrated her chest. Her face distorted in pain. He fired again and a third time. He didn't want to prolong her suffering. She needed to die quickly and with the least amount of pain he could offer her.

He sobbed a cry of relief and turned the gun on himself. He closed his pictured her smiling face, once again assuring himself, he was correct. He needed to accept her morality. He needed to accept his own life. He couldn't squeeze the trigger.

Heero gasped in air as the shock of his environment change overcame him. He felt as if he were drowning again. The glow of lights dazed him as his corneas adjusted. A scream next to him awoke his sense. It was Relena's gasp of surprise.

"Heero!" Heero hugged her tightly, his IV wrapping awkwardly and the needle pulled against his skin. He didn't care, he hugged her. He chastised himself for being so stupid. All he needed was to be with her, however long that would be. .

"Relena..." He felt tears of joy and fear roll down his face. He buried his face into her hair, breathing in her smell. "Relena. Relena." He repeated her name like a mantra.

She laughed despite everything. "You're an idiot." She said. He pulled away facing her.

"I needed to accept your death."

"What do you mean?"

"My greatest fear is you dying. That your death takes away the small peace I have managed. I was so afraid, I could not live my life if I didn't let you go."

Relena smiled with sadness in her eyes. She said nothing, watching as Heero pulled off the diodes that connect her to the Zero system. He carefully removed the IV, watching carefully as blood drops collect at the insertion point.

"I want to live my life, Relena." He said softly, holding her hands in his. "I want to live my life with you." He kissed her softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on FF.net
> 
> 05/19/15
> 
> -Guera-


End file.
